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I was looking for something to do for Lent, and I found it. I had the blessing, even during this COVID crisis, to go on a retreat at a Benedictine monastery. I just slept, went to Mass, read the Bible … It was deeply renewing. How could I continue to have that sort of experience in the midst of my busy life?
Between 2017 and 2020 I was blessed by a year and a half stay (between two periods of nine months each) at Madonna House. I am originally from Chile, but I was living in Denver, Colorado, at the time.
I was 36 and at a breaking and turning point in my life. I don’t think I am exaggerating when I say Madonna House saved my Catholic faith… and in saving my faith, which is my greatest treasure, it saved my life. But that is another story.
In Madonna House, among other things, I discovered a spiritual language to talk about my experience with God, a language that is deep yet simple. The Nazareth spirituality, the family spirit, and very especially the Eastern Catholic way of thinking and feeling struck me like a lightning bolt. It was me.
During my second stay at Madonna House, I had the honor of translating Poustinia, definitely one of my favorite spiritual books, into Spanish. So over that time and in the months after, I became very familiar with the desert spirituality Catherine Doherty talks about.
There is no real desert near my home, but if you have ever come to South America, especially Chile, Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, and even Colombia, you would see that mountains are everywhere. It’s the majestic Andes. And by mountains, I don’t mean hills.
In Chile, we have at least ten mountains over 6,200 meters tall. Chileans have mountain pride, just as Canadians have winter pride (although I have to admit the Himalayas are higher than the Andes). Santiago, where I live, is in a valley between lots of hills and mountains.
This Lent I decided that for one morning a week I would go up a hill, biking or walking, and spend 2 to 3 hours praying and fasting, and then the rest of the day I would fast. Father David Linder, my spiritual director from Madonna House, blessed my “little desert.”
There is something very beautiful about the poustinia. I would say that my ordinary spiritual life is pretty self-centered. But you really have to make an effort to go to the “desert,” and you don’t always want to. So, I am very conscious that I am going to poustinia for others.
It has an intentionality: you really have to fight for your morning off, and it gives me strength to know that I am doing it for others. It fills it with meaning.
I don’t know if you have heard, but my country, Chile, is in pretty bad shape. There are violent protests every Friday in downtown Santiago, the capital. Last October two Catholic churches were burned to the ground. Some of the protesters claimed that “the only church that illuminates is the one that burns!”
We are in the middle of re-writing the Constitution that was written in the 16-year dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet.
There is also a big migrant crisis, with many people coming from Venezuela, Colombia, Bolivia, Peru, and Argentina, because even though we are in rough shape, Chile is still the wealthiest country in South America.
Besides all that, the Chilean Catholic Church has suffered one of the biggest sexual abuse crises in Latin America, and maybe the world. In 2018, after Pope Francis’ visit, all the bishops had to resign because of the coverups and some of them were even abusers themselves.
Please pray for Chile.
So, I go to poustinia mostly for my city, Santiago, my country, and the Church here.
People are so stressed these days, because of social crises and COVID that they are pretty violent. It is not hard to get into a fight because of nothing—even bumping into someone on the street.
Going up to poustinia, the Holy Spirit reminds me how important meekness is. So, I try to be very nice to the people I encounter.
For Catherine Doherty, tea was an essential part of Russian culture, and of course, of the poustinia. To share a cup of tea means offering friendship, and why not do that with God? She says that she would imagine that she was having a cup of tea with God in the poustinia.
One of the big blessings the Argentinian brothers and sisters brought to Chile is mate (pronounced “ma-tay”). Mate is an herb drink that you drink in carved pumpkin vases through a straw.
My favorite thing about mate is matear, which means sitting in a circle and sharing mate. One person serves, and you drink from the same vase and straw by turns. And you talk and talk for hours.
Sadly, we can’t share the mate in COVID times, but it is a perfect drink for poustinia. I bring my vase to drink it out of, my thermos, and mate, and drink it in my poustinia on the mountain top. It is a little bitter, which I think Catherine would find very proper because of the penitential aspect of the desert.
With my mate and my Bible, I go up the San Cristobal hill. I found a place called Tupahue, which in the native language here means “place of God.” I sit in the yard and look at the “two Santiagos”: the wealthy Western part and the poor Eastern part. And I pray for everybody, because so many people have rejected God, and that is why we are in this situation.
Then I read the Bible.
Fasting goes very well in the morning, but then, oh gosh! After lunchtime, it is such a struggle. But good. I love to eat. Fasting helps me to remember that I am so weak (and ridiculous!), that it is hard for me to go on for five hours without food, or more accurately, without the freedom of taking it whenever I want. It helps with pride and self-knowledge.
It helped me realize that I am too harsh on myself—and accept that it is OK that fasting is hard for me. I am fragile and little.
In 2020, when I was at Madonna House at Combermere, I got “fasting” as an Epiphany gift. I think I am still not there, Lord!
At noon, I wrap up, say a prayer and go down the hill, sometimes to Mass, sometimes straight to work.
“Little poustinias” have really blessed my Lent.
I suggest you try poustinia, however it works for you, and not just during Lent. Let the Lord figure out poustinia for you and with you.
