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I find aging to be a paradox. Why do I feel more young at heart now in my later life than I did when I was sixteen?
My first memory is of the bars of my crib and trying to figure out a way to get out.
There were other firsts. The first time I could read. Awesome! The first time I went fishing with my dad and older brother—my first memory of comradeship. My first solo trip on a bicycle. Freedom at last !
Then there are memories of school. My deepest one is of introduction to Scripture. This we had at least a half hour every morning.
Then there was the shocking realization that we human beings have a very difficult time living the call of God. Why was this so, I wondered.
At seventeen I joined the Canadian Navy. This was a time of becoming more confident in my abilities, but also of being exposed to another side of life. This exposure led to leaving my faith.
When I left the navy at the end of two years, I began in earnest to search for the “real” God. It wasn’t neat and tidy, let me tell you. This was a time of reaching for the ideal, for truth and justice and the mystery of creation. And of course I was asking why we exist.
As you can imagine, this journey involved many experiences. I read many esoteric books and tried esoteric organizations and lifestyles. But what was I really searching for?
Looking back at that time, I would say I was instinctively searching for love in any way I could find it. Of course I didn’t really understand what love is, and this brings me to part of the answer to the question of why I am now growing young.
When I was forty years old, I had the thought that the sooner the Catholic Church was destroyed, the sooner we could get on to creating a new civilization. Then two weeks later, I had an encounter with Jesus. The only word that I can use to describe it is love, a love which was a most indescribable mystery.
Jesus asked me if I would work for him. Could anyone refuse pure Love? I couldn’t.
Soon after this encounter, I came to Madonna House. There I heard Our Lady say in my heart, “Be a little pebble in the hand of God.” I became an applicant and then a staff worker of Madonna House. I didn’t really like Madonna House, so I really did this in obedience.
Over the next thirty years, I learned about love. I have had my doubts; I have had my heart plunged into darkness for years at a time. But I knew God was there.
Through spiritual direction and the Eucharist, I received God’s tender healing of many wounds. Some of them, I hadn’t known I had.
I have also had my heart ravaged by the love of God and been shown the truth of life.
So how can an aging body contain the heart of a child? I know the answer now. It is the love of God in us, and the giving of that love to everyone.
I praise God for giving me a young heart.
