…accepting that self-sacrifice is the true meaning of human existence.
Each stage of life has its own season and its own timetable.
There is a time in life when new possibilities are opening up for us. We’re travelling to new destinations, or going off to study a topic of interest, or meeting new people, some of whom may become good friends. At another time, the focus is more on departures, or projects coming to completion, or saying goodbye.
Saying goodbye can be a simple way of saying “See you tomorrow.” But it usually implies something with more finality to it. It often means that one period in our life is over. This may include the opportunity of seeing someone we love any time soon. It may even refer to a place we are fond of and which holds precious memories for us.
We don’t often think of it today, but “goodbye,” a shortened form of “God be with you,” is also a way of invoking God’s blessing on someone or some place. Of course, the most poignant goodbyes are those where a dying person says goodbye to family or friends, and they to him or her.
Our Lord had his own experience of saying goodbye when he lived on earth. Fittingly, this took place at the intimate meal called the Last Supper, and the most developed expression of that farewell was a series of profound and intimate sharings usually called the Farewell Discourses.
Basically, this consists of chapters 13-17 of St. John’s Gospel. In these chapters, containing the Lord’s most intimate conversations with his disciples, we see that saying goodbye is not simply putting an end to something but rather, and maybe even primarily, a passing on of a gift.
In these cases, it often comes to a promise that the Lord himself will come with the Father and the Spirit to dwell within the disciples in some mysterious way, a “being with” that is even more intimate than their time together before Jesus ascends to the Father. That is the blessing that exceeds all others, the indwelling of God himself in our hearts.
This last while has included a number of goodbyes in my life. I guess that is to be expected when one reaches a certain age, and the various illnesses and afflictions that go with aging start to kick in.
Some goodbyes come easier than others, of course. It’s the deeper relationships and the gift of self you are accustomed to and love to carry out that are the hardest to let go of. For me that has included having to give up most efforts at spiritual direction as well as presiding at the liturgy and even working in the gardens in summer as I was once able to do.
None of this is an impediment for the Lord, who doesn’t need our talents or gifts (which come from him, anyway) to carry out his purposes through our lives. I know this is true, yet being peaceful about it and really surrendering to it can be, and often is, a real battle.
We identify ourselves by what we can do, and we measure our fortune not only in monetary value but also in human relationships. Take any of this away—and add deteriorating health to the mix—and it is the letting go and saying goodbye that seem to be the final words on all our endeavors and even our very existence.
But suppose the whole shape of our lives—whatever the particularities of our circumstances—is meant to be what Jesus talked about to his disciples: Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Mt 10:37-39).
The Lord is talking here about a total gift of self, one that is an offering of love for others, but always based not on our own idea of what that might be but rather on the Lord’s idea.
It is a beautiful thing when someone sacrifices out of love for another, but it is more beautiful yet to sacrifice one’s own idea of what that sacrifice should be, giving way even here for the Lord to do with us as he wishes. And that brings us back once again to saying goodbye.
Saying goodbye means not only a fond farewell and not only a wish for God’s blessing on someone. It also means accepting that self-sacrifice is the true meaning of human existence, its joy and its crown.
As life goes on, we say goodbye to one form or another of this offering, only to discover how much of our self was invested in our so-called self-sacrifice! It may well be impossible even to see this until such time as the Lord sees fit to take it away from us.
What a long and mysterious path it is for us to reach that point where we are at least a little bit like the Lord, who gave up his life completely that we all might have the means to truly live a divine life!
Here we catch a glimpse of the tragedy of the increasingly common practice of euthanasia in our society today. People want to “die with dignity,” and they don’t see the value in prolonged suffering as part of that picture.
We are being taught—wrongly—that we have the right to determine how long we wish to live and when the moment has come to say enough! Moving accounts are told of family and friends gathering around the about-to-be-killed individual to celebrate his or her life.
But suppose we don’t really know when our offering is complete. Suppose we die with a fundamental flaw in our character yet to be purged by the goodbyes and farewells of life’s natural progression. Suppose only the Lord knows these deep places within our soul (if you believe that we even have such a thing; that is, a soul that lives forever).
This is where the pain of “goodbye,” which can cut so deeply, like a fine two-edged sword, can free us at last to face the moment where we see the Lord face to face and learn what it really means to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
The Last Supper discourse in John’s gospel reveals to us yet another aspect of saying goodbye. For the Lord, “goodbye” was simply a way for him to find the passage into the depths of our hearts. Dwelling with visibly as a man became dwelling within invisibly as the Blessed Trinity of eternal love.
Isn’t this kind of offering, made in imitation of Christ by his disciple, the most powerful witness of all about the deepest and most powerful truth of all: those who lose their life for my sake will find it? And where will they find it? Alive and well in the hearts of those who were the recipients of that kind of love.
Thus, the faith is passed on when “goodbye” is according to the Lord’s plan.“Goodbye” is not only a departure from but also a cry of hope for that deeper communion every human heart longs for. May God bless our every letting go and fill our emptied hearts and hands with himself.
[Changing leaves at St. Mary’s Combermere, 2024 (©Maria Reilander)]
