How do I experience my poverty?
The point of departure for our interior life is found in the concreteness of everyday living— in the repetition, in the muck, in the beauty and intensity of it all. The concept of poverty can remain vague, up in the air. But the poverty which charms, which attracts great souls, is incarnated in everyday life.
How do I experience my poverty in day to day living? What angers me? What am I in need of? How do I make use of my riches? Where do I suffer? How to heal that pain? Is it the same for my brothers, my sisters, my friends, and all those who live close to me and far from me and whom I do not even know?
Poverty is a problem for those who are too poor (on all levels) and for those who are not poor enough (on all levels also).
When do I realize that I am poor? I experience my own poverty:
-When I eat and drink more than I need to satisfy my hunger and my thirst.
-When I sleep too long.
-When I waste time.
-When it annoys me to lend to someone.
-When I am frustrated by a glance or a gesture and miss the heart of a situation.
-When someone’s mood irritates me.
-When I think my ideas are terrific, better than anyone else’s.
-When I want others to find in me values which I do not live up to.
-When I am jealous of someone stronger than I, more capable of loving than I am.
-When faced with myself, I am bored, disappointed.
-When someone annoys me by talking about their little problems.
-When I find someone’s appraisal of an event or a situation superficial because I haven’t given them a chance.
-When I am afraid to commit myself totally, to be a witness in the things I say and the way I act.
-When I want others to be interested in what I do and who I am, rather than in the Person who dwells in me.
-When I go on the defensive if someone questions my opinions and experiences.
This inner poverty makes communication with the other much more difficult.
But this is only one aspect of poverty. Doesn’t there exist also a poverty which can be constructive, which would allow us to be a little more approachable, a little closer to one another, and to eventually build something together?
If I become aware of my limitations in my personal and social life, couldn’t this poverty be put to good use? People say that you cannot give what you do not have. I disagree. When I meet a poor man who knows how to share his poverty, his needs, his limitations, I am very happy. We can communicate without taking one another too seriously and together make an effort towards taking care of these needs.
In order to do this, a fundamental attitude is required — that of availability, of co-operation, a sense of community. These may not be traditional values, but I need them for myself, and I need to find them in others when I live and work with them. I have a great need for friendship in order to push back the frontiers of my own limitations. I need a community in which to work and a community in which to live. A community of love!
And don’t those who live around me have the same needs? For instance, the person who doesn’t look at me during a conversation —could this be because he does not find in me the love he needs?
There is too little love in the world and too much loneliness.
